Okay so I'm just going to put this out there right away — I was NOT always this girl. The confident beach photos, the bikini shots, the "look at me living my best life" energy you see on my feed? That did not come naturally. Like, at all.
Growing up I was honestly one of the shyest people you'd ever meet. I'm talking the girl who changed in the bathroom stall at the pool because I couldn't handle anyone seeing me in a swimsuit. The girl who wore a t-shirt over her bikini until she was literally standing at the water's edge. That was me. For years.
So how did I go from that girl to someone who posts swimsuit content for thousands of people to see? Honestly it wasn't one big moment. It was a thousand tiny ones.
The first thing that changed everything
I started following women online who looked like actual humans. Not airbrushed magazine covers — real women with real bodies who were just out there living confidently and not apologizing for it. And something about seeing that every single day slowly started to rewire something in my brain.
I started thinking — if she can do it, why can't I?
The answer I kept coming back to was: there's literally no reason.
The day I took my first real photo
I remember it so clearly. I was in Malibu with my best friend, it was golden hour, and she just grabbed her phone and said "stand there, the light is perfect." I almost said no. I almost did the thing I always do where I deflect and make a joke and change the subject.
But I didn't. I just stood there. And she took the photo.
When she showed it to me I literally could not believe that was me. Not because I looked perfect — I didn't. But because I looked happy. Real. Alive.
I posted it that night shaking a little, honestly. And then I put my phone down and went to sleep.
I woke up to more love than I knew what to do with.
What I want you to know if you're where I was
The confidence doesn't come before the action. It comes after. You don't wait until you feel ready — you do the thing and readiness follows.
Nobody is looking at you the way you think they are. The thing you're most self conscious about? Most people genuinely do not notice it. And the ones who do? They don't matter.
Your body isn't the problem. The story you're telling yourself about your body is the problem. And stories can be rewritten.
Start small. You don't have to post anything. Take a photo just for you. See how it feels. Build from there.
Where I am now
I still have days where I look in the mirror and the old voice tries to come back. It doesn't win anymore but it still shows up sometimes. I think that's just being human.
But mostly? I feel free. Free in a way I genuinely didn't know was available to me a few years ago.
If you're that girl changing in the bathroom stall — hi, I see you, I was you. You don't have to stay there.
The water's warm. Come in. ??
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